A barrage of dog shit falling on a deserving dog lover
Ths is a fantastic story from agged Reddit. You will love it!
Uncle’s Patient Dog Poo Vengeance
This is a story about my uncle’s vengeance. My uncle is chill and friendly, but he once had the misfortune of living next to an awful neighbor. The guy actually didn’t have a ton of bad habits, but he did exactly what he wanted to do and he didn’t care who it affected. And one of the things he wanted to do was take his big dog on a daily morning walk and let the dog do his doggy business on my uncle’s lawn.
The first time my uncle caught him, he calmly confronted him and politely requested that the neighbor stop using his lawn as a dog toilet. The neighbor calmly told my uncle to get fucked: he didn’t care what my uncle thought, there was nothing my uncle could do about it, and nothing would change.
This being 1970s southern California, my uncle couldn’t record the neighbor and shame him online or report him to the police for some litter violation, and although he is a cool uncle, he was in no way physically intimidating enough to get this guy to back down. Every day for a week he went outside to confront the shitty neighbor and his shitting dog, and every day he got the exact same answer: fuck off, I don’t care, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
On the eight morning, my uncle stayed inside, watching as the neighbor yet again allowed his dog to leave a fudgy dump on his lawn. Then, after the neighbor and his dog had continued on their walk, my uncle grabbed a shovel and went outside. He scooped up the dog shit and, with masterful accuracy, flung it onto the roof of the neighbor’s house. As mentioned before, this being 1970s California, the neighbor’s roof (like all of the houses in that area) had a very shallow slope, and once he saw that the poop didn’t roll off, my uncle headed back inside.
He repeated the exact same procedure every morning… for the next eight months.
Not once did the neighbor notice the steadily growing pile of dog shit on his roof, baking and dehydrating in the California sun. Not once did he smell anything off, nor did he find it suspicious that my uncle still greeted him in a friendly manner after having his lawn used as a dog loo every single morning.
Finally, after eight months, the hot and sunny weather gave way to a massive rainstorm. Within minutes, the entire crusty layer of dog poop shingles rehydrated and broke free, a reeking mudslide from hell that sloshed down onto the neighbor’s property, splattering his lawn, his house, and his car with literal pounds of dog shit. Over the next few days, the neighbor’s grass succumbed to the poison and died, paint began to flake off his car, and the neighbor himself had to finally clean up after his dog once the sunny weather returned and the remnants of the dog poonami began to dry up while still stubbornly stuck to every stinking corner of his house.
Tragically, my uncle didn’t take any pictures of the poo-house (I would have loved to have seen that).
From the day after the rainstorm to the day my uncle moved out of that house, he never spoke to that neighbor again… but the dog poop stopped appearing on his lawn for good.
We can always learn something…!
Testimonial from http://www.poopsenders.com
I waited patiently with others but the female counter attendant was too busy to look into the matter, so I left my shopping bag on the counter and left the premises.
I found out later that she had opened the bag and looked into the matter, then claimed to have been insulted. I was arrested for that.
Before my trial I saw a big brown dog doing a big brown shit at the base of my front letterbox. Enraged, I scooped the hot and heavy steamy mass into a shopping bag and delivered it to the council employee locking up for the day.
You can get arrested for that. I got arrested for that.
At my trial I defended myself, alone as always. The magistrate offered me a good behaviour bond but I declined on the grounds that in the circumstances I had not been of bad behaviour.
The magistrate weighed the matter in the Scales of Justice and fined me around $35 per kilogram which I paid off at $5 per week.
The council, as always, got away with its denial of duty, and the dog victim, as is so common, suffered.
Oh, for a dog free world!
I admit it’s easy to say what I’d do if I were in your shoes at that time But here is what I may had done (I know, you are nota lawyer, me neither, and also taking into account that it happened decades ago when you and I were not so well versed in the matter of dogs):
– Being arrested for simply OFFENDING someone? Before a trial? That would NEVER happen here. Littering, might (within 48 hours only).
– I would point out to the judge that I did NOT vandalised/littered her workplace, what was true.
– I just RETURNED the OUTCOME of her inaction as a public servant specifically to that matter, inaction that allowed MY place to be littered. Hers was not.
– *I* was the truly offended party as she did not do her job, well or at all, job that I AM paying for.
– I could accept a “good behaviour” BOND ONLY if that public servant paid the very same amount of $35 (that I guestimate would be close to US$100 today).
– Those piles of poop were the physical evidence of her malfeasance. If she had done her job, those bags wouldn’t be there, you wouldn’t be there. Oh, we do Not, ever dictate rules to a judge! Well, I already questioned them, in court, and was not arrested. They say stupid things, you reply, you are Not a slave. I am not.
– I’d request the judge that the clerk paid back me all the additional money I spent (working ours/transportation/poop collection…) with that.
We are not lawyers, they would come up with even better tactics and the judge would Not be as intimimidating and heavy-handed with us as he would to the lawyer as this one knows the laws better. And could express them better.
Would all that work? Maybe not, probably not, but I would feel better. I know, it’s just me, my opinion.
PS – That is one more reason we should be as stealth as possible.
Late in life I came to slowly understand the police mentality, and it’s not what I thought it was. Their outlook is different to ours and it’s best that we all understand that before taking any direct action ourselves.
Firstly, the police priority is to nail the offender for what he did. Concerns about WHY he did it are left for the defendent’s lawyer to put before the judge in mitigation to induce a reduced penalty. The police are simple folk – for them you either did it or you didn’t and shades of gray in between are neither wanted nor comprehended.
Fairness and understanding do not initially apply when a complaint is lodged with the police. In my case it was done by the Shire Clerk who is the um, top dog in the local council.
This Shire Clerk was not complying with the legislation for dog control in my area because his council in the past had dutifully done so and had lost cases on court on technicalities.
So how do you avoid losing cases? You just don’t bring them, that’s how. You pretend there’s no problem, no lawbreaking, no dogs free-ranging the neighbourhood, no barking, no dogs kept so cruelly trapped in back yards that they go mad digging holes in the dirt.
Having thus received the complaint of hundreds of small dry dog turds left by me in a plastic shopping bag on the council’s public counter the police called at my home and left a message with my wife that I should visit them to talk shit. I knew I’d be recognised at the council office because even three decades ago I was an anti-barking activist with many Letters to the Editor.
However I did not attend because this was a private matter between the council and me and had nothing at all to do with the local police.
While walking on my front lawn maybe a week later a senior detective visited my home accompanied by a constable and said “You are under arrest and are required to accompany us to the police station.” I said “You must be kidding!” They responded that they were serious. I asked for time to put my shoes on and clean my teeth and told them I would drive myself to the police station in 15 minutes. This undertaking was accepted and they departed, and I did as promised.
I was then fully processed as an arrested person and released on bail to appear in court when summonsed. The summons duly arrived by post but with the wrong charge listed. This error was corrected later and from memory it was “Insulting Behaviour” for which the maximum penalty in those days was $40.
This was the first time I gave my council the shits. The useless gits had been giving me the shits for years and all I did was give some back – a purely private way of making a point in a somewhat graphic manner, all conventional methods having failed – as they do almost everywhere.
As related in my earlier comments, there was a such second delivery by shopping bag, but this time containing a huge mass of a stinking dark brown substance – steaming, piping hot and straight from the factory.
Did any townsfolk learn anything of value from my efforts?
No, they are all as ignorant and as stupid as ever.
Maybe I’m mistaken but it seems like there’s no actual law against doing this shit-dumping, so that, in this case, the victim cannot be criminalized, therefore is having equal rights as the doggist. (Sorry, I know that last sentence is not well-written, but can’t find out how to say it better – anyway, hope it makes some sense…..).
Your uncle was not only clever, he was also VERY couragious in confronting this sociopathic turd of a neighbour. I’m pretty amazed your uncle didn’t suffer any revenge repercussions, ie, bricks through his windows; getting attacked; dog shit through his letterbox…..
Well, whatever – it sounded like the trick worked: the doggist was pretty much cowed and no more muck on your uncle’s lawn.
This is a hellish crazy nonsensical world.
Retaliation from the criminal is something that we as victims of dog criminals have always to think about and prepare for them, in case they happen. This is the same for all other types of crimes, you would not let a car robber/child molester/regular vandals… do whatever they wanted because you were araid of a possible future retaliation.
As always, doing nothing is the worst we could do.
Just like I said to Peter, that is one more reason, or two, we should be as stealth as possible.